If death rays are outlawed, then only lawless Martians will have death rays

My Right to Keep & Bear a Death Ray

Taking those who believe in a Second Amendment without limitations to their logical conclusion

Look, I’m glad you support my right to bear small arms. That’s awfully swell of you. But the Bill of Rights puts no such weaselly little adjectives in front of “arms,” OK? It’s already practically impossible to get your hands on an automatic weapon here under the Stars and Bars. A bazooka? Fuggedaboudit. And now I see you all eyeballing semi-automatic weapons as if they’re any more capable of the wholesale dispatching of human lives than a baseball bat or a kitchen knife. So it’s time for me to speak up in defense of my death ray.

You needn’t worry, I plan on keeping it at home. Most of the time. Probably affixed to the front porch. May use it to zap the odd mosquito or two. But I do reserve my God-given right to tote my death ray in public from time to time. For “open carry” walks, for example. But merely to establish my right to bear my death ray. So if I show up to your church or school or local Starbucks pulling my mighty death ray behind me, there is no cause for fear! (Honestly, if you’re afraid, harden up a little. You’re getting a little wussy. I’m being as polite as I possibly can be right now.)